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winterlivea friend asked me for my advice on how to handle herself w/r/t a recent bit of lj drama, and i'm just gonna reprint it here for my own reference, because god knows i've needed to hear this advice in the past.
if you take one look at a site and are grossed out, i'll tell you three things.
1. don't feel bad. you don't have to understand the kink and you don't have to like it. you can just say, homg squick squick ew ew ugh ugh flesh crawling now. that is perfectly acceptable and there is nothing wrong with it.
2. don't look. the impulse to rubberneck at things we find gross or horrifying is only human nature, but resist. it will not do anything for you. allowing yourself to get worked up about it at all will only lead to you feeling sick to your stomach and it will ruin your night. close the window, find something nice to think about, and think about it hard.
3. no, seriously, don't comment. no matter how bad you think it is, back away. this point of advice does not apply anywhere but here in livejournal, and the reason for that is that this is a community that comes with big fat warning labels slapped all over it. they read: TMI. by coming in here, you are guaranteeing that you will occasionally see things you don't like, and getting in any kind of huff about those things is just shooting yourself in the foot. you will not, under any circumstances, be able to say what you mean without getting accused of pissing in people's cornflakes, and you don't want that. another warning that comes with the internet: nothing you say is private. if you put it on the internet, it can be copy-pasted, and out of context. do not push that 'post' button. no matter how right you are, it is not worth it.
now, just to be clear, i have kinks that would totally gross some people out. have, actually. so when i try, i can come at this issue from both sides. the stuff that grosses me out is disgusting and awful and i'll tell anybody, but if the stuff i like grosses YOU out, i don't mind, but i don't want to hear about it. so the only way to be fair, to treat other people as i would like to be treated myself, is just to shut cakehole about this kind of thing and do something else.
like read the sookie stackhouse books. mmmmmmm, vikings.
if you take one look at a site and are grossed out, i'll tell you three things.
1. don't feel bad. you don't have to understand the kink and you don't have to like it. you can just say, homg squick squick ew ew ugh ugh flesh crawling now. that is perfectly acceptable and there is nothing wrong with it.
2. don't look. the impulse to rubberneck at things we find gross or horrifying is only human nature, but resist. it will not do anything for you. allowing yourself to get worked up about it at all will only lead to you feeling sick to your stomach and it will ruin your night. close the window, find something nice to think about, and think about it hard.
3. no, seriously, don't comment. no matter how bad you think it is, back away. this point of advice does not apply anywhere but here in livejournal, and the reason for that is that this is a community that comes with big fat warning labels slapped all over it. they read: TMI. by coming in here, you are guaranteeing that you will occasionally see things you don't like, and getting in any kind of huff about those things is just shooting yourself in the foot. you will not, under any circumstances, be able to say what you mean without getting accused of pissing in people's cornflakes, and you don't want that. another warning that comes with the internet: nothing you say is private. if you put it on the internet, it can be copy-pasted, and out of context. do not push that 'post' button. no matter how right you are, it is not worth it.
now, just to be clear, i have kinks that would totally gross some people out. have, actually. so when i try, i can come at this issue from both sides. the stuff that grosses me out is disgusting and awful and i'll tell anybody, but if the stuff i like grosses YOU out, i don't mind, but i don't want to hear about it. so the only way to be fair, to treat other people as i would like to be treated myself, is just to shut cakehole about this kind of thing and do something else.
like read the sookie stackhouse books. mmmmmmm, vikings.
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Date: 2009-01-11 09:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-11 10:29 pm (UTC)HE CAN HELP W/R/T UR TONGUE
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Date: 2009-01-11 10:36 pm (UTC)Did you see the pic of him from today? HE LOOKS SO YOUNG.
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Date: 2009-01-11 10:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-11 10:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-11 10:42 pm (UTC)*faint*
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Date: 2009-01-11 10:45 pm (UTC)