congratulations, america, on taking the first tentative baby step toward first world health care. today you join the illustrious ranks of nations with universal health care, leaders like canada, the UK, australia and new zealand. and mexico, columbia, china and india. and bhutan
now that you've started pouring salt onto the giant, sucking corporate leech that's been gorging on your bank account, i feel like i should warn you that it is going to FREAK. RIGHT. OUT. probably you have already noticed this - the leech tentacles are shrieking baby-killer across the aisle, which is hysterical as infant mortality in your country is three times
the current rate of, say, canada, because until today you didn't have universal health care. but if the leech tentacles don't shriek, the pharmaceutical and insurance lobbies aren't going to pay for that nice summer house in ibiza anymore. so be warned: they are going to be VERY ANGRY, and they will say some terrible things.
but listen, america: for the sake of your bank account (and your babies, if you care about them), don't believe them. continue on your current path. shrivel up that leech. it's been sucking you dry for decades, and lying to you the whole time about what horrible disasters will befall you if you don't let it. the tentacles are pitching a hairy conniption fit right now; listen to the hysteria in their voices. they're pushing fear at you as hard as they possibly can. but you're going to be fine. i promise. it's going to be better now.pay attention. read up on your health care situation. know your rights and assert them.
and above all, above everything, when it comes time, VOTE.
on a personal note, it is so nice to see you grow up and start acting like the industrialized nation that you are. it looks good on you. we are totally behind you.
with much love,
the rest of the worldps: your president is the sexiest world leader out there right now. damn.